Living Anxiously

Anxiously Ann

My Journey To Feeling Better — July 28, 2020

My Journey To Feeling Better

Namaste my Lovelies!


If you were to get know me on a real personal level you would probably learn that mountain-sunsetI am MUCH better at giving advice than I am at taking advice; even my own advice!

So it would come as no surprise to you to find out that I was preaching the importance of feeling good over looking good, but wasn’t putting it to practice in my own life.

Just like every other human in the world, I too fell prey to a negative body image. 

Before becoming a mother I NEVER thought about my body.

After having children, it was ALL I thought about.

I didn’t look the same. I didn’t feel the same. For years I struggled to love my body.

I didn’t love my body. I hated my body. I cursed myself for not being more active during my pregnancies. I foolishly belief that genetics would keep me in perfect shape.

I tried every diet/fad/trend/workout. While I was able to achieve my target weight I still hated my body.

At the time I lived in an environment where I was one of the smallest people I knew, so sharing my struggles would not have been met with sympathy. 

Because I was “skinny” I should be healthy, right?

However, I didn’t feel healthy. In fact, I felt far from healthy. I had terrible digestive issues, constant aches and pains (Shoulders, back, etc.) which I had grown accustomed to ignoring, recurring  headaches or migraines, stiff joints, weakness, and fatigue (These were all just my physical symptoms).

I thought that if I could just have a flatter stomach or tone thighs, etc that I would feel better and be happy. 

Again, I tried every diet/fad/trend there was.

But I was eating for the wrong reasons; exercising for the wrong goals.

I don’t remember exactly when I felt the shift, but one day I just gave up. I was done. I was exhausted from trying and tired of worrying.

SO I QUIT!

Yes, you read that correctly! I quit.

I quit caring about how I looked. I had a new goal in mind. 

I wanted to FEEL good. I wanted to feel STRONG.

I had so many ailments and “little” problems that affected me on a daily basis. I started targeting my weak muscles and what hurt.

I did deep yoga stretches and I worked on improving my posture. 

I realized the reason I was so weak was because I was not getting enough protein in my diet. I found what was causing my digestive issues and worked to crowd out food that made my stomach feel bad and replaced them with foods that didn’t make me feel bad when I ate them.

I went through ALL of my aches and pains; adding and taking things away as I found what worked and what didn’t work for me.

What seemed to help me take my own advice this time around was that I started slowly; very slowly as not to burn myself out and give up. I let it grow from there.

If all I was able to do that day was two push ups and five squats, then that was all I did and (here is the real secret to success here) I DIDN’T beat myself up about. 

I added meditation to help with my focus, anxiety, and mindfulness.

I kept doing just a little amount every day.

I worked to build positive habits instead of starting a diet or workout routine. I knew for me to feel healthy I would have to stay active and make the right choices; not just for now, but for the rest of my life. I didn’t want it to feel like a complete change of life situation (because change can be overwhelming) so I started with baby steps.

I’ve been on this particular journey for only a few short weeks now and the results are amazing. I feel the best I’ve felt since before I had children.

And the things is, turns out it works!

Focusing on feeling better HAS been a stronger motivator for me than focusing on my appearance.

But here is the kicker: By making myself feel better I simultaneously made myself look better. 

I have stopped weighing myself altogether. I threw my scale in the garage and never looked back. 

If I were to give any advice at all it would be this:

Focus on the foods and exercises that make you feel good afterwards. Play around with what works for you and what doesn’t. Just remember: What works for someone else may not work for you.

Let feeling good be your goal and you might find that looking good just comes naturally!

For When Listening Is Easier Than Reading — October 17, 2019
We Are Not Our Bodies — May 20, 2019

We Are Not Our Bodies

grayscale woman in bed
Photo by Oscar Mikols on Pexels.com

We are not our bodies.

Our person, our mind, our spirit is greater than our body. Our body is merely a vessel for us to fulfill our purpose on earth. I truly believe that our purpose, all of our purposes, is to serve others (At least if we all aspired to live that way the world would be a better place).

There are many different ways that we can take on the role of serving others.
For me one way I do that is through entertainment.
I love to be on stage and share a wonderful story with an audience.
I know that when I make them feel something I am doing what I was meant to do.
There are lots of other ways I like to serve others, but that is just one.
We need to treat our bodies with great care because our body serves a greater purpose.
If we don’t look for the best way to take care of our vessel then we are doing a disservice to ourselves and all the people out there that we could be helping if only we had taken better care of ourselves.

By “taking care” of our body (or vessel) I don’t mean going on whatever diet trend it popular at the time. I don’t mean pushing our body to its limits in a cross fit workout.

What I mean is eating the best foods for our own particular body types, getting regular sleep, practicing self care, and working towards finding balance in our mind, body, and spirit.

We are greater than our bodies.

We have been given this vessel to do more with it than chase instant gratification, or abuse it with drugs or alcohol.

That being said, I do understand how some can be lead down the path of escapism (using vices to escape reality).

Life is incredibly hard.

Even more so when you don’t know your purpose in life or you are living a life without fulfillment.

I can’t tell you your life’s purpose. Nor can I tell you what the best path is for you to take.

What I can tell you is that when you are ready, the answers are out there. All you have to do is look.

As for myself, I am an empath, I am also a christian, and I am also someone who has been struggling with anxiety and depression since I was about 17 years of age.

I got married at 22 to someone who really didn’t know how to be with someone like me. Honestly, I couldn’t blame him. At the time I didn’t know how to be me. I didn’t know who I was or what I was capable of.

I’m still learning. I’m always learning.

I felt alone and didn’t want to share my pains with anyone because I didn’t want to be a burden to others (anxiety disorders were not as commonly talked about during this time, especially in the south where I grew up).

When my anxiety reached its highest and I developed a breathing disorder that made me feel like I was starving for air, not only did I feel alone, but I also felt insane.

I felt like I was losing grips with my sanity. I know what it feels like to be lost and alone and scared.

I didn’t know what purpose so therefore I was not serving myself and caring for my body.

I didn’t see the point in it.

However, I didn’t give up. My unwavering hope and optimism saved my life and if you are reading this blog then you still have that hope inside of you too.

You can find the answers. You never have to give up on yourself or others. The more you search the more you’ll realize that you are not alone.

There are people who feel the same way you feel, who look at the world the same way you do. You can find your tribe, just keep looking!

Never give up on yourself cause this world needs you. You wouldn’t be here if the world didn’t need you.

Don’t let anyone else’s expectations of you create your own expectations of yourself and take care of your vessel. You only get the one. Treat it with kindness and it will better serve you.

When you do this then you can better serve others and find your purpose in life. You can find fulfillment and joy.

Namaste my lovelies!

 

Looking Good vs Feeling Good — April 30, 2019

Looking Good vs Feeling Good

photo of woman looking at the mirror
Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

When we take care of our bodies it is so much more than just make ourselves look good (Though most people go on diets or start a workout routine because they want to look better).

We should want to take care of our bodies so that we feel better.
When we feel better we naturally look better.

The health and wellness trend is at an all time high, but if we can just shift our motivations for taking care of our bodies we actually stand a better chance of being more consistent with being healthy.

Losing weight and looking better on the surface takes time to notice.
I have seen so many motivational memes that promote the phrase that it takes 4 weeks for you to see it, 8 weeks to for others to notice, and 12 weeks for the world to notice (or something along those lines).

Well I don’t know about you, but I can’t tell you the number of times I started a workout routine and never even made it to week 4. I couldn’t stay consistent with it because I couldn’t see results, but more importantly I didn’t feel a ton better so I didn’t see the benefits of continuing.

We like to see results fast. Well I’m sorry to say, but there is no diet or workout routine that can have you seeing results in your physique overnight.

However, you can start feeling better overnight. All you need is a new goal for your health and wellness. Instead of eating and exercising to look better, make new mission to feel better.

Finding Ayurveda, for me, changed so much of my life. It changed my health, my mental well-being, and so much more. You don’t have to choose Ayurveda (though I highly recommend looking into it), but I will suggest change your goal for your health.
What is Ayurveda?

Instead of eating right or workout out to look better, do it to feel better.
Cause as I said before, when you feel better you look better.

Eating to feel better will yield better results, especially if you listen to your body more.
Notice how you feel after eating.

How did the food you ate make you feel? 

Did it make you feel energized?
Or heavy and lethargic?
Did it cause stomach problems?

How are the exercises you are doing make you feel?

Did they make you feel stronger?
Did you over push yourself?
Did they make you feel dizzy or light headed?

You body knows exactly what you need. You only need to listen closer.

Looking better will happen in time, but feeling better can happen a lot sooner and if your motivations are to feel better you will stay more consistent. You will start to notice which foods are not good to put in your body because you will feel it. You will know what exercises are best for you cause you will feel it.

The foods we eat and the exercises we do are suppose to give us energy and life.

If we do not feel energized afterwards then we need to listen to our bodies a little more closely.

Ayurveda had definitely taught me to listen more closely to the needs of my body and now I can say that I feel and look a lot healthier than I have in years. I haven’t felt this good since before I’ve had kids and let’s just say that was well over 10 years ago.

Go now and find what makes you feel good. What makes you feel healthy.

Cause when you feel good, you look good.

Namaste my lovelies!

A Walk in the Park — April 24, 2019

A Walk in the Park

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So, today I went for a walk in my park and I took pictures of some of the wildlife that I came across. I Saw birds, and squirrels, and even found a grasshopper that was NOT camera shy. It was a wonderfully peaceful walk.

It was a little hot outside, but a nice walk all the same.

Normally I would walk several laps before trekking home ,but today (because of the heat) I decided to enjoy the comforts of the shade and sit underneath the trees and do a little meditation.

My meditation consisted of me lying in the grass in the shade and looking up into the sky.

To me there is no wrong way to meditate if it brings you present in the moment.

Thankfully, I found a nice spot so I didn’t have to look up into direct sunlight. I shared the spot with some neighboring birds that didn’t seem to be phased by my presence. Although they weren’t as up for a photo opt as my little grasshopper friend.

Lying in the grass looking up at the sky reminded me of when I was a child. I was much closer to the earth when I was little. I practically lived outside. I would climb trees all day, and lay on the ground for hours just watching the clouds float by. I use to imagine myself up in the sky just floating along with them. Never stopping, always moving.

I suppose that’s where I get my gypsy side from. I love to roam and explore. To me it is one of the most freeing experiences, exploring a new surrounding, especially if it is out in nature.

I love going for hikes and being in the mountains or going for walks along the edge of the beach. Anything to be close to the beautiful gift that God gave us when he gave us Mother Nature.

When I was lying on my back in the park I could feel myself being weighed down into the earth. It wasn’t a heavy feeling, but a relaxed feeling of being supported by the Earth. My back was flat with the Earth and my breathing became slower.

I felt more grounded which is especially good for my Vata Dosha. We are usually so obsessed with the future and our big dreams and can be so up in the clouds that we miss what is right in front of us. We become anxious and stressed out and even begin worrying about problems that haven’t even happened yet or may never happen.

Learn a little about the Doshas from my blog post: What is Ayurveda?

Taking that moment to lay outside on the grass under a shade of trees close to the Earth gave me pause. I got to slow down and in turn I slowed my mind down. Things became a little clearer. I didn’t have the answers to all life’s problems, but I was able to listen to my body and my body was thanking me for taking this moment.

Another thing about being a Vata is we like to move move move and sometimes we can forget to take a moment in stillness. It is not particularly easy for me to be still and even more so to find a place of stillness in my mind.

I am constantly thinking. I have been my whole life. Of course, when I was a child my thoughts were actually slower and more purposeful because I had that connection to the Earth. I had more clarity, I was more of a philosophical thinker, I had an amazing memory, and was incredibly quick at learning things.

Now there are so many options for distractions in this world between social media and streaming services and the internet and etc etc. there is always something that I can use to distract myself from the real world. What I am learning is the more I am in my phone, the less present I am and the less present I am the worse my memory is. I am slower at problem solving and therefore the more anxious I am.

That is really it, right there. Those of use who have suffered from anxiety tend to use our phones as security blankets the most. When in all actuality our phones are actually helping to create even more anxiety within us.

It is a vicious cycle where we go to our phones to escape our problems (that we have convinced ourselves that we can’t handle) then we feel anxious because we never dealt with our problems head on.

IF we confront our problems head on we actually stand a greater chance of fixing them.

When has avoiding a problem ever made it go away for you? Cause for me it really only makes the problem worse and I feel anxious, regret, and usually guilt (Which is such an ugly emotions to walk around with).

Even if we make mistake on our path to resolving our problems, that’s ok. We are human beings. We are flawed. We are imperfect. We make mistakes. How we handle those mistakes is what makes us who we are.

I say that if we just take a few minutes a day to get out of our phones and out in nature then we will have a clearer head and a calmer mind. We can take on any problems that come our way.

We can feel empowered to take on what life throws at us. Especially us women out there, we are the mothers and there is no stronger force than Mother Nature so it would make sense that getting in touch with nature can give us the empowerment recharge that we need because we are getting in touch with the ultimate mother. If we allow her, she will always nurture us. She will give us everything that we need to heal if we take the time to slow down and feel the earth move beneath us, watch the clouds roll by, or listen to the birds nesting, mating, and living. The world is a wonderous world if we stop to listen. Take yourself out of this world and just listen to it, observe it, give yourself a different perspective. Sometimes all we need is a new perspective.

This has been my little words of wisdom today.

Please feel free to let me know what you like or don’t like even about my blog, I am open to all constructive criticism (I may be setting myself up here, but I’m an actor, I can handle it).
I am learning every day and I will make mistakes, but it is an absolute pleasure to have you with me on this journey I’m on to finding my voice, discovering my purpose, and to discovery a better way of living.

Namaste My Lovelies

What is Ayurveda? — April 17, 2019

What is Ayurveda?

AYURVEDA: [ah-yer-vey-duh]

shallow focus photography of multicolored floral decor
Photo by Artem Bali on Pexels.com

Guys (and gals)!

This is something that I am so excited to talk about!

I have been putting off talking about it because I felt like I needed to know more and that I needed to be an expert in it before I shared what I know.

Well forget it! I can’t wait any longer.

Part of this journey I have been on for years now has been mostly about health and wellness. Struggling with anxiety and depression and not trusting western medicine to help, or even care, had me searching anywhere and everywhere for the answers.

It wasn’t until I developed a breathing disorder that had me starving for air on a daily basis that I really dove deep into myself. Honestly it took me a whole year of suffering to really find the answers I was looking for.

Enough about me. Let’s talk about the reason you decided to read this post.

Ayurveda: Pronounced [ah-yer-vey-duh] is a living science that has been around for more than 5,000 years and originated in India and is still practiced there today!

From my studies I have learn that Ayurveda acts as more of a preventative medicine whereas western medicine only treats you once you have problems. Western medicine treats the symptoms while Ayurveda treats the individual person.

“Wait! You mean I can learn a health system that is specifically tailored to my own individual body?”

Of course you can my dear reader! I’ll explain further.

Ayurveda teaches you how to read and understand your own body type. No two bodies are alike, so it would stand to reason that there is no “one size fits all” to our health and wellness.

“Well, what is my body type?”

Ah, impatient aren’t we reader? Don’t worry, we’ll get to that. Patience young grasshopper.

Now I’m really just giving you the short version in this particular post, but I promise I will go more in depth in other posts I have planned to share.

OK, so more about what Ayurveda is about.

Spiritually Ayurveda is about balance. Balancing the mind, body, and spirit. This part makes SO much sense to me and let me tell you why. If you are suffering from poor digestive issues or other physical discomforts (which I do constantly; real talk) then the ailments that follow can affect your mood and vice versa. If you are really stressed from work or other life issues it can carry over to physical pains in the body such as: headaches, anxiety, depression, bloating, etc. The mind, body, and spirit are all interconnected and when one is out of alignment the rest are sure to follow.

“This is great and all, but how can this help me?”

Wow, got to say, love your enthusiasm, reader.

Now that you have learned a little on what Ayurveda is, let’s take a look at the practice of Ayurveda. By the way let me stress that I am not an expert on the subject (yet).

*Side note: YET is my favorite word to use with my kids. Any time I catch them saying I can’t do something I love to interject with yet. It is never a matter of if, but when.*

PRACTICING AYURVEDA

As I mentioned before Ayurveda is all about balancing your mind, body, and spirit. To do this Ayurveda offers up guidelines and practices to incorporating into your daily life to achieve this balance. They even go into the types of foods and exercises that works best for your particular body type. This seems simple enough, but there is a lot more to it. However, over time you can work these practices into your daily routine and eventually you will be practicing Ayurveda without even thinking about it!

“Yeah, but how do I know what my body type is!”

Close, oh so close my dear reader. Stay with me.

Did you know that you could be practicing Ayurveda already and not even know it?

A lot of current health trends actually promote ayurvedic practices even if they don’t know it. For example, oil pulling. Now I came across oil pulling and its benefits quite often on Pinterest over the years. Maybe you have to. I can give you a more popular example. Yoga, depending on how you practice, is an ayurvedic practice. If your main reasoning behind practicing yoga is to improve your health and balance then you are practicing Ayurveda. There are so many more examples I could give you, but this my shorthand account.

Depending on your body type (or Dosha in Ayurveda) can even determine the best yoga poses for you as well!

“There you go again about our body type. What is my body type!”

Breathe. Relax. Get comfy cause we are finally going to talk about our body types.

According to Ayurveda there are 3 different body types and they refer to them as your Dosha. The three Doshas are Vata, Pitta, Kapha and though we may be predominantly one Dosha, we possess all doshic qualities so it’s all about finding the balance of the three. Don’t you just love balance?

The three doshas are as follow:

Vata

Vatas are the air and ether.  They tend to be thin in frame, often have cracking joints, and are have the most sensitive digestive issues.

They are your creative types and love to be on the move. They can be scatterbrained at times and like their ever changing moods, their appetites can be the same. Sometimes ravenous and other time non existent.

Vatas are cold and dry in nature.

When a Vata is out of balance they can suffer from anxiety, bloating, gas, fatigue, etc.

Vatas can be very intuitive people and are usually great at seeing the bigger picture, but can oftentimes have anxiety because of constantly focusing on the future.

If this sounds like you then you may be a Vata. I myself am a Vata!

PITTA

Pittas are the fire. They tend to be athletic build and are the go getters of society. They are very goal oriented and competitive in nature.

They tend to have the strongest digestive fires and can usually eat anything they want. Pittas usually have hot body temperatures and hate being hot.

In fact becoming overly hot can cause Pitta imbalances.

When a Pitta is imbalanced they can have skin irritation and/or ance. Pittas can become aggressive and irritable and have a bad temper at times.

Pittas make great leaders and love taking charge.

If this sounds like you then you could be a Pitta.

Though I am mostly Vata, I do have a good dose of Pitta as well.

Kapha

Now onto the final Dosha. The Kaphas. Oh sweet and loving Kaphas.

Kaphas at their best are sweet, kind, and caring people.

They are your laid back friends that usually want everyone to have a good time.

They are usually big boned in frame and are your more curvy types.

Kaphas can sometimes get too caught up in the past and this can lead to some imbalances.

When out of balance Kaphas can be depressed, lazy, and sedentary. They are quick to gain weight when out of balanced because they could be your emotional eaters.

Like Vatas, Kaphas are also cold in nature.

If any of this sounds like you then you may be a Kapha.

So there is a little snapshot of the Doshas. There is way more to it than that, but this is my beginner’s learning.

“Ok. So what is the point of all this?”

That’s what I like about you my dear reader, you keep me on my toes.

The point of all of this is to take ayurvedic practices and implement them into your daily life so you can achieve a balance of the mind, body, and spirit. In doing this you will be at your absolute best, your highest self if you will, and you can then go on to do what you where put on this earth to do. You will have a clear mind to be able to figure out what is it that you were put on this Earth to do. Ayurveda likes to call this you Dharma (life’s purpose).

Really we do all these things and we practice self care, not so we can be about ourselves, but so that we can be of service to others.

If you liked this post feel free to comment about what you like and if there is any questions you have or want to know more just leave it for me in the comments below.

“Wait. You tell me all this, but how do I achieve balance?”

I LOVE that you want to learn more! Ayurveda is a health system that has been around for more than 5,000 years and I simply cannot cover it all in one blog post, but I will follow up with more.

If you can’t wait for my next post may I suggest the book Ayurveda (Idiot’s Guides)

This book has really helped me learn so much and my health has improved dramatically since I began studying Ayurveda.

Still not sure what you Dosha is?
This Dosha Quiz might help!

Know Thyself — April 4, 2019

Know Thyself

scenic view of forest during night time
Photo by Hristo Fidanov on Pexels.com

I was reading my star chart and I was hit with a universal download of information.

The reading on me was crazy accurate and it was the first star chart reading of myself I have ever done.

It honestly didn’t say much about me that I didn’t already know, but it did help me create more awareness on some of my negative traits that I needed to be more mindful of going into the future.

The information that came to me was this.

Self-awareness leads to self-actualization and self-actualization leads to enlightenment.

Now this is not new information to me, but this information made me think about my husband.

My husband and I have been off for a while now. We love each other and we enjoy one another’s company, but something has just felt off.

We don’t mesh well at times, we are continuously misunderstanding one another, and we can’t seem to get in sync or flow together in harmony.

(I love you honey if you’re reading this. Just had to be real for a minute.)

Why?

I believe the answer is simple.

“To know thyself is the beginning of all wisdom”

This quote is often given credit to Socrates so that is who I’ll give credit to.

I have been asking my husband for some time now to try to understand me better, but what I should have been asking is “understand yourself better”. My reasoning is this: how can you really understand someone without first understanding yourself?

If you were to really do some soul searching and dig down deep to understand the essence that is “you”, then you would be able to be more intuitive to the people around you. If you can understand your own behaviors and why you do things it will help you understand why others do what they do.

Not everyone wants to “soul search”. Not everyone wants to look into what makes them “them”.  The reason is usually because it is not always “pretty” to take a good hard look at ourselves.

It certainly wasn’t easy for me so I understand the desire to stay “blissfully unaware”.

I know that is more than likely my husband’s biggest barrier into “finding himself”.  I can feel through subtext that there are ways he used to be that he may regret and there are mistakes that he has made that he would rather not relive, but if we hide from who we were then we are not freeing ourselves up to be who we were meant to be.

All we are doing is running.

We are running from who we use to be and running away from who we were meant to be. We are keeping ourselves in a perpetual never changing limbo in an ever changing world.

We don’t know who we are, because we never asked who we were.

We can’t be who we were meant to be, because we never questioned what needed to change.

So, therefore we don’t change.

I have a whole post on our metamorphoses that I’ll share with you soon.

I’ve been asking my husband to better understand me when I should have been asking him to better understand himself.

I make mistakes too. It is part of being human. How we respond to our mistakes determines whether we grow as a person or stay stagnant.

It can only improve your quality of life to know more about yourself and searching for self-awareness is never selfish, because how can you give your whole self over to the one you love if you don’t know who your whole self is?

If you have never asked “Who am I?” or “Who do I want to be?”, then I urge you to take some time for yourself to get to know yourself.  If you don’t like the picture that you see of yourself then you have the beautiful opportunity to create the best version of yourself. To work towards being who you were really meant to be. You just have to be aware first.

I’m going to encourage my hubby to take time for himself. Not to think about me or us, but to find himself; to love himself. We all deserve that, don’t you agree?

You are all beautiful so BeYOUtiful!

I Am More Than My Anxiety — March 28, 2019

I Am More Than My Anxiety

Purple Dream

I am more than my anxiety.

I am a mother.

I am a wife.

I am an actress.

I am a health enthusiast.

I am a fitness junkie.

I am an adventurer.

I am a spiritual self-healer.

I am a Christian.

I am human.

I am NOT anxiety.

I want to be more active in this blog because I feel like I have a voice. It has taken me many years to realize that about myself and to allow myself to believe that there may be some value in what I have to say.

I may take a slightly new direction with this blog and take you on my life’s journey. I will tell you a little bit more about myself and my personal struggles, I will tell you what I have done to get to this point in my life, and I will let you know where I plan to go in the future.

I will share the ups and the downs; the good and the bad. I promise to always be real with you.

This year I plan to be more than my anxiety. I plan to break the walls down of this prison that I have built for myself and really put myself out there for the entire world to see.

If I fall I will tell you what I learned and if I succeed I will share the struggles it took to get there.

My goal in doing this is to 1) hold myself accountable and 2) possibly be an example of what can be accomplished by someone with anxiety and depression.

We are more than our emotional issues. We can have them without letting them define us and that is the challenge that I am setting for myself.

I do hope you come along with me on my journey and feel free to share with me any insight you have gained, issues you wish to discuss, or even just something weighing on your mind.

Through the quiet of my absence know that I am still always here.

Love Gently — March 27, 2019

Love Gently

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Photo by Inna Lesyk on Pexels.com

I thought I had it beat.
My anxiety.
I have gotten dramatically better at handling all the curveballs that life throws at me. Any big changes I was handling like a champ.

You go so long feeling good, you’re nerves aren’t a constant source of torment for you, but then something happens.
It can be something so little.

As little as going to the grocery store and asking the cashier for stamps.
The idea comes in your head.
Then you feel it.
The tingling sensation down your legs. The cringy feeling in your gut. The little voice in your head that tells you to run. You can’t do this.

You know it’s irrational, but that doesn’t make the feeling go away.

Sure you could tell yourself it’s no big deal and just to concur your anxiety, but what if you can’t?

Then what if you have someone you loved who asked you to do it and then insisted on you giving them an explanation as to why you can’t do something so “simple”?

So great. On top of feeling anxious about a social encounter you have someone making you feel ridiculous for not being able to do it.

Not that you needed help feeling ridiculous. Anxiety’s got that covered for you.

Anxiety is a fickle thing.
It comes and goes at it’s own pleasure.
It could lie dormant for years and pop up at the most random time in your life.
It could happen for the smallest reason or no reason at all.

Anxiety will make you scared to do something and then make you feel inadequate for not being able to do it.

Please, I urge you. If you love someone with anxiety and they tell you that something makes them feel anxious to do, don’t make them feel bad.

Please, don’t act as if it was just a simple request. That they should be able to do it, because if you could do it, then they should be able to as well, right?

No. They can’t and it doesn’t have to make sense to you. It shouldn’t have to make sense you anyway. Not if you really love them.

You don’t have to understand your loved one’s reasons for things, but what you can do is understand anxiety and that there will never be a rhyme or reason to it.

The more you push someone with anxiety, the worse you make the situation.

They are already feeling anxious, then inadequate. Do you really want to add guilt to the list? Plus, there’s the lonely feeling that comes along with having anxiety and already feeling as if no ones understands.

The best thing you can do when you love someone with anxiety is to love them gently.

Love Gently.

Let them know that it’s ok if they can’t do something that seems small to you. Let them know that there is nothing wrong with them and that they are not alone. That you support them and love them and no amount anxiety will ever change that.

Make them feel safe to come to you with feelings of anxiety. That you will not only understand, but protect them from anxiety and essentially themselves.

Just love them gently and often and you will be fine. It will get easier.

The last thing we want to do is take a small moment of anxiety and create an avalanche of feelings and emotions, cause then your work as their loved one becomes harder.

So just love them gently.

Create that as a mantra for yourself if you must. A little reminder to love them gently.

Those of us with anxiety know that your job to love us is not easy. We know how irrational we sound. We know it doesn’t make sense. We don’t always understand it ourselves.

Two words is all we are ever really looking to hear in those situation.

“I understand”.

If you substituted “I don’t understand” out for “I understand”. You take away their feeling of being alone and you create a sense of peace and security.

You make them feel safe. You validate their feelings.

Someone with anxiety walks around feeling misunderstood. To understand is to love.

To be understood is to feel loved.

It gives anxiety no where to go. No fuel to continue to burn and will quickly extinguish.

So please my dears. Love Gently.

I Am An Empath — September 24, 2018

I Am An Empath

person on a bridge near a lake
Photo by Simon Migaj on Pexels.com

Random factoid of the day. I am an empath. Yes, you heard it right. I, Jessica Ann Perry, am a real life empath.

“What the hell is an empath?”

Now don’t get your knickers in a twist my dear reader, I will tell you.

You can look it up online and what you will find is tons of articles, some a little on the hoodoo voodoo side of things (no judgement), and they will pour over countless signs that you two might be an empath.

I’ll short hand it for you.

I FEEL TOO MUCH.

I feel everything. I feel my own feelings, I feel others feelings, and when I’m done feeling those feelings I go on to feel fictitious character’s feelings as well.

I feel the feelings of the Earth, the moon, and the stars.

Okay I may have run a little wild with that last one, but I think you see what I mean.

I have known who I am for some time now, through my road to self discovery, but I never really understood what it meant. I thought I knew everything I could, but that’s the thing about thinking you’ve learned it all. At some point in your life you find out you don’t.

What it all boils down to is that I have a greater capacity for empathy than some others. I can feel other people’s moods. The closer I am to someone the more I feel what they are feeling. The danger is sometimes I get confused on which is my feelings and which is theirs.

Others can also sense that I am an empath, whether it is conscious or subconsciously done. So many people, strangers even, will talk to me and before I know it I am listening to their life story and helping them to work through some of their problems.

My husband says that would drive him crazy, but me, I love it. I love that people feel comfortable around me. I love that people can sense that they will get no judgement from me. I welcome any and all who want to talk to me, share their life stories, or just talk about something that is bothering them. I can’t always help, but I can listen. This makes me feel good.

The negative to being an empath is getting over the fact that people need you; until they don’t.

I’m not saying that it is impossible to make long lasting friendships as an empath, but it is my belief that I was chosen to help people. When my friendships that I have put time into simply fade away I now take comfort in the idea that they no longer need me. Just call me the Mary Poppins of friendships.

I’m in, I fix what’s wrong, and I’m out.

I emphasized the word ‘now’ because I didn’t always take it so well. I thought that there must of been something wrong with me. Maybe I wasn’t good enough. Self doubt took over for many years before I realized that maybe it wasn’t me. Maybe it was God’s design (or the universe’s depending on your belief system) to make room for new friendships. New people in need of someone who listens.

I can define many eras in my life by the friends I had and most of those people I no longer talk to on a regular basis. I make friends, I lose friends. Some stay, and most go. My only hope is that all of the people I have been friends with over the course of my life, know that no matter how much times passes, no matter how long we go without talking, that if they ever needed a friend to talk to… I’m here.